Waiting

I had my ultrasounds yesterday to check for cysts and such and all is clear.  My last bcp was yesterday so now I'm just waiting for CD1 so we can move on with this cycle.  I think this is the first time in 3.5 years that I've been looking forward to the arrival of AF.  When waiting to start other IVF cycles, I always had secret hope that we'd just "naturally" get pregnant.  The  bcp really takes away those thoughts.  This is a nice way to start a new cycle!

Excited

You'd think after 3 failed IVFs, I wouldn't get excited to start the 4th. But I am.  I'm feeling so pumped about this one.  And I'm not going to self-talk myself into negative feelings b/c I know how bad it can feel to fail.  Tomorrow I go for the silly little injection classes and Thursday I start this lupron shit.  Good days are coming!

Sad day

I've felt pretty healthy lately, and spend a lot less time than normal sad that we don't have a child yet.  But yesterday was just one of those days where almost everything made me teary.  While doing errands around town, we drove through some areas that brought back memories.  And those memories of people turned to thoughts of the children they have and then, of course, the sadness that children are missing from our lives.
And a movie we watched had a little representation of the "crazy obsessed infertile woman" which made me wonder if I seem like that to the few people around me who know.
And my mother-in-law talked about some people she knew and basically identified them by how many children they had.  I wonder what she thinks of us?
Whatever, a bad day..thanks all.

IVF#4 prep

I start my bcp tomorrow.  So the prep for IVF #4 begins.
As always, I hoped we would have a BFP this month, naturally, but that is apparently my denial.
On day 17 of the bcp I am set to start up the lupron injections although I have to attend an "injection class" before that day.  It seems silly since I've injected myself for 3 previous cycles with so many drugs, but this new clinic makes it mandatory so I won't argue.
I really do like how easily I can plan things with the bcp first.  I have actually marked off all of my mornings starting 2 days after the bcp and for 3 weeks after.  So the only dates that I'll have to reschedule clients are on the retrieval/transfer days.  I DO love to plan ahead.
Otherwise, we just got back from a week vacation at a cottage with friends.  It was fun and I feel good.
So I'm ready for IVF #4.  Here we go again.