Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My story

I had a scheduled c-section b/c of some significant pelvic issues from a car accident I was in as a teen. Since I was 16, I was told I'd need a c-section, so I have always visualized this method of birth and don't feel like I've missed out.
The hospital I was in was nothing less than fantastic. It's a newer unit, with a "family centered approach" that is very different from smaller hospitals in my area. If I had stayed in my home town, this story would be different.
The surgical room was a while suite. They had 2 isolates and a nurse and a respiratory therapist for each baby in the room when I went in. I had my nurse and anesthesiologist. They struggled quite a bit with my spinal/epidural combo b/c I was quite swollen. She had to attempt 4 different times before calling for help and then getting it herself anyway. Apparently it was saline she was injecting into the site, but everytime I got crazy pain down my right leg, I panicked that she was touching my spinal cord. So my sweating and shaking reaction didn't help her.
Anyway, after it was in, they laid me down and my nurse explained again how everything would go.
The doctors came in at this point. What an amazing feeling; to feel touch, to feel like you SHOULD be able to move your legs, but feel no pain and be unable to lift your legs.
My husband sat to the left of my head.
They have a tv on the ceiling so if a baby needs more help (but not NICU help) and goes into the adjacent room, I can watch what is happening still. The tv wasn't on in my room, so instead I could see the reflection of my surgery which was pretty cool!
My anesthesiologist was kind and calm and I really liked her. She talked me through things. But really, I felt very relaxed. When they cut through my uterus she covered my view of the tv though b/c she decided it could get to be "too much".
That little squeaking cry, what a beautiful sound. Then they showed me the baby for a very quick second and took him to the isolate. My husband had a clear path to walk to the isolates and back to me, taking pics with his iPhone to bring back to me. But the crying was so reassuring anyway. Then the second baby adding to the crying sounds. Wow.
Our little guy had a cyst on his cord so they called the neonatologist in to have a look. My husband could stand with them and get the scoop immediately - not a problem. I wonder if this was the problem all along affecting his cord blood flow though.
They cleaned up and weighed the babies and gave them both to my husband who sat beside my head for the sewing up stage of the surgery. I didn't try to watch the surgery anymore, now obsessed with staring at my babies.
As soon as the section was complete, they put the naked babies on my chest and wheeled us into recovery. There we did some breast feeding (wow the body is so amazing that it is already producing colostrum). They did the glucose testing during this time as well so that's where we ran into some problems with our little guy.
It was difficult and I was very sad to have them take him to the NICU. Spending 2 hrs with him naked on your chest, then for them to take him away, was awful. So the little guy and my husband went to the NICU, and my bigger guy and I went to the maternity ward.
I loved the staff. I loved the set up of this hospital. Just a great birth experience.
The ward room we were stuck in the first night is another story but I'm trying to focus on the positives (got our private room on the second day anyway).

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Boys

We came home on Friday afternoon. I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried most of the way home. I have babies! And being away from my home and dogs for almost 5 weeks plus sitting in the back watching them sleep in their car seats - wow.
They/we have settled into a routine really rather easily so far. I BF one baby while my husband feeds the other baby expressed milk. We have been "topping up" each baby with formula. Then we change, swaddle and put them to bed. Then I pump for 15 mins to get my supply up. The last few feeding cycles we haven't had to use formula which I'm pretty excited about. It's amazing how our boobs work! I have even been successful tandem feeding once, but am being cautious with this b/c one baby gets angry with the breast feeding quickly, and I don't want to lose him.
They have so many differences already.
We're living on very little sleep but I love it all. I'm in post partum bliss I guess.
Names:
Harrison James and Quinten Hugh
I'll post pics as soon as I get to my laptop. I'm living with my iPhone/ipad and am too lazy to turn on the laptop so far (don't know how to post pics on iPhone app).

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Babies

Our babies were born by c-section July 11th at 12:18 and 12:20 pm.
Baby A weighed 4lbs 10 oz and shortly after had to go to the NICU while his body figured out how to manage his sugars. I can't believe how sad that made me feel. Having him leave me after an hour naked on my chest. The happy news is, he's already back with us.
Baby B weighed 5 lbs 4 oz and struggled a little with his sugars too but has bounced back. He gave us a good practice night with 1 baby.
We'll most likely all go home tomorrow and I'll write more then.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Infertility

I'm not sure what I want to say.
But tomorrow everything changes.

Tomorrow is what we've been waiting for, for at least the last 4 and a half years, if not for most of our lives. It seems unreal today. Even though I've felt the babies kicking and rolling for months. My belly has gotten bigger and bigger. The pains in my groin, my back, my hands. It just seems unreal that this turns into babies.

All the ups and downs, the hope and the depression. I really did feel it would never happen. Several times. I started to imagine my life without this dream. And all I could see was endless sadness.

My husband and I grew closer, I believe. But what would have happened if we were never successful?

Infertility is unique. No one can really understand it, unless faced with it. No one can see it. There are worse things in this world. But often it doesn't feel that way.

I still feel twinges of jealousy when people announce their easy road to pregnancy. I still feel anger at people asking me private questions about our family. I feel sadness for people that I know who are still "stuck". I believe this will never go away.

Some people think my husband and I don't seem excited enough. We are. It's just unreal. And after everything, I think these babies need to be in our arms before we can really release.

I've visualized and imagined this life change for so long now but I can't really imagine it, can I?

Tomorrow, everything changes.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

And, if you can believe it, still going..

The csection is officially booked for the 11th. And with no signs of labour, and reasonable cord blood flow this week, it looks like we're going to make it. Can you believe it? I'm 37 weeks today. Both babies are measuring over 2000g now which means we most likely won't need any NICU time.
I'm so excited! The time is almost here.