Waiting

I had my ultrasounds yesterday to check for cysts and such and all is clear.  My last bcp was yesterday so now I'm just waiting for CD1 so we can move on with this cycle.  I think this is the first time in 3.5 years that I've been looking forward to the arrival of AF.  When waiting to start other IVF cycles, I always had secret hope that we'd just "naturally" get pregnant.  The  bcp really takes away those thoughts.  This is a nice way to start a new cycle!

Excited

You'd think after 3 failed IVFs, I wouldn't get excited to start the 4th. But I am.  I'm feeling so pumped about this one.  And I'm not going to self-talk myself into negative feelings b/c I know how bad it can feel to fail.  Tomorrow I go for the silly little injection classes and Thursday I start this lupron shit.  Good days are coming!

Sad day

I've felt pretty healthy lately, and spend a lot less time than normal sad that we don't have a child yet.  But yesterday was just one of those days where almost everything made me teary.  While doing errands around town, we drove through some areas that brought back memories.  And those memories of people turned to thoughts of the children they have and then, of course, the sadness that children are missing from our lives.
And a movie we watched had a little representation of the "crazy obsessed infertile woman" which made me wonder if I seem like that to the few people around me who know.
And my mother-in-law talked about some people she knew and basically identified them by how many children they had.  I wonder what she thinks of us?
Whatever, a bad day..thanks all.

IVF#4 prep

I start my bcp tomorrow.  So the prep for IVF #4 begins.
As always, I hoped we would have a BFP this month, naturally, but that is apparently my denial.
On day 17 of the bcp I am set to start up the lupron injections although I have to attend an "injection class" before that day.  It seems silly since I've injected myself for 3 previous cycles with so many drugs, but this new clinic makes it mandatory so I won't argue.
I really do like how easily I can plan things with the bcp first.  I have actually marked off all of my mornings starting 2 days after the bcp and for 3 weeks after.  So the only dates that I'll have to reschedule clients are on the retrieval/transfer days.  I DO love to plan ahead.
Otherwise, we just got back from a week vacation at a cottage with friends.  It was fun and I feel good.
So I'm ready for IVF #4.  Here we go again.

The package

The package arrived in the mail yesterday, for our next IVF.  It seems so strange to be switching to another facility but change is always good right?
Interestingly enough, the bill is only going to be about $600 more than my last, fully publicly funded clinic.  And they take $1500 off a second IVF and $4000 off a third!  So they seem to feel they can get you pregnant.
So bcp will start probably at the first of July or so.
As for now, I have one week left of work and then a 1.5 week vacation at a rental cottage with friends (no kids).  Relaxing and thinking about anything but my lack of children.

Visit with my (old) RE

The follow up appointment (from March IVF) finally happened this past week.  The doctor already knew we had requested our chart, so she asked if we were going to get a second opinion.  She said she honestly didn't know why our 3rd IVF attempt was so different from the 1st and 2nd.  She said she'll take our case to their "rounds" so that she can get 4 more opinions on why and what to do next.  So she suggested we go ahead with the new clinic but come for an appointment with her in November again, after both she and us have been able to collect other opinions.  We didn't actually tell her that we already HAVE our second opinion and are moving forward, because it just didn't seem necessary.
I did complain to her that 3 months waiting for a follow up was terrible and that I've found it very emotionally difficult.  She talked about getting on the wait list, bla bla bla..it doesn't matter.  I've moved on.

On Monday I go for a sonohysterogram and my husband goes for another SA.  We assume that the results will not change anything, but it's always worth getting this stuff looked at I guess.

Here's hoping I'll be pregnant before November, thereby taking away the decision of whether or not to return to the old RE for another consult.

"normal" luteal phase

CD2 today after my first, ever, 14 day luteal phase!  Unless I was medicated, I've only ever had 8-11 day luteal phases.  So I obviously thought/hoped I was pregnant for a couple of days this week but the bright white hpt took away that hope.  And then, of course, CD1.
But SOMETHING seems to be different now.  This doesn't inspire us to continue to try naturally or anything b/c we obviously have bigger problems than just a short luteal phase.
Next week is my sonohysterogram with the new clinic and I'll start bcp on the next CD1.