Stuff

I've had a couple of rough weeks at work.  It's had nothing to do with the pregnancy.  Everything remains good there.  In fact, I've just started feeling more distinctive movement in the past 24hour.  How exciting!
It's been a very stressful couple of work weeks.  I have a very small staff at my clinic, and one just quit.  Everyone has a right to move to another job, I've just been so pissed off that he didn't give me more warning.  It's not like I can just keep the babies in and continue to work!  I am aware that this is MY problem, and not my staff member's.
The worst part about this is that my plan of slowly decreasing my work duties has failed.  So I have to accept a very busy April and half of May.  I really do hope that I can physically handle it, so that I'm not constantly living in stress now.  I had a stupid busy day last week and I was so tired and sore by the end of the day.  I then was unable to sleep and it made the rest of the week so difficult.  It's a little hard to imagine how I'll feel in another month, let alone another 2-3 months!  The positive thing is, someone who worked for me in the past is going to come back.   She can't come until mid-May but either way, I will love this girl forever!
Anyway, everything had been going so smoothly for me, so I guess I'm just disappointed that any negativity has crept into my head.  I guess I've just come back to reality really.
But important thing is, babies are good.  They're moving and growing.
Oh and I had a client ask me when I was due last week and when I said end of June (I never actually admit my due date is July 30 since that's not an accurate twin due date) she said "I thought you looked like you could go any day now".  I love it!  (and I'm not THAT big yet - 20lbs gained which is right on par for twins).
Next up, growth scan March 24th.

Anatomy Scan and such

Everything apparently looked good at our anatomy scan.  The reporting software was down so we had the Dr. who reviews the u/s tell us all was well but that she wanted another couple of scans of Baby B's face as she didn't like the ones the tech took.  So we go back again next week.
Our Dr. didn't have the report obviously so I don't know weights or anything that I'd like to know.  Although, since we go next week I suppose I'll be able to get that then.
We are definitely having 2 boys.  It was pretty obvious when the u/s tech showed up the views.   It's pretty cute to see that.
I also loved seeing how much bigger they are.  And the details in their hands and feet.  And Baby A drinking up the amniotic fluid (gross, I know) seeing his little jaw work and the fluid go down his throat.  All cool stuff.
I've finished my "wish list" and know brand names and such that I want now.  Now I wait impatiently for sales to see when I can purchase these items.
I did get my twin breast feeding pillow and twin belt in the mail so one purchase.  The belt feels fantastic, even though I don't really need it yet.  I bought pressure relief stockings as well since I've had some swelling over the past 2 weeks.  It's early for swelling but I am on my feet most of the day so it's not that surprising.  My blood pressure is nice and low so the swelling seems unrelated to that.
Really, all's well..

Movement? *edited to add books*

I'm feeling little "feelings" over the past couple of days.   I'm pretty sure it's my first feelings of movement b/c it's consistently over the babies.  I like to chat to which ever one I'm feeling moving around.
I am expanding rather quickly over the past 2 weeks.  The difference is very noticeable to people who see me every few days.
And continuing my addiction with books about babies, I'm learning some great tips.  I'm so excited!  This really is the first time in my life that I haven't felt nervous about such a major change.  I guess the 3.5 years of infertility gave me lots of time to prepare for this one!
Books I'm currently loving:
The Everything Baby's First Year Book
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems
Raising Twins
I know some people don't "agree" with some of these authors but I'm loving just learning about development and suggestions for getting into patterns and interpreting behaviours.

Boys

It looks like both our babies are boys.  She didn't absolutely commit to Baby A but the screen shot she showed us looked very "boy".  Baby B is definitely a boy.
I think I've always thought  I wanted boys.  But the second that I heard both were boys, I felt a little sad.  How crazy is that?  5 months ago I figured that I would never have children and now I had a moment of disappointment that they weren't a mix of sexes.  Of course, I'm over that now.
They looked great.  Baby A is 130g and Baby B is 135g so very close in size.
My cervix and blood pressure were great.  And our DS risk is 1:2080 for each of them (on my age alone it was 1:250 so this is quite a good ratio now).  The internist went through some headache and heartburn tips with me so I'm feeling good about some possible changes in that area.
So all in all, a great visit.
Next up March 3rd Anatomy scan.

Random positive and negative thoughts

I'm really enjoying reading baby books now.  It feels so nice to move forward and feel excited about things.  I'm continuing to have headaches, but I'm not complaining.  They're livable and worth it.  I'm pretty must just a ball of optimism here.  Our next ultrasound is this Thursday.  I'm wondering if we'll get to find out the sexes yet, or if that will have to wait for the anatomy scan in a few more weeks.  I have my maternity clothes now, and definitely started to pop this last week.  I've researched baby stuff and am planning on going on a big shopping trip for some of those things in 2 weeks.

On another notes, I've read thoughts like this from several other people over the years, so I know these thoughts are common, but here are mine anyway.
It's amazing how happy I am and how drastically this pregnancy changed everything.  Just before this 5th IVF, I had finally started to except that we couldn't get pregnant, but I was definitely depressed about it.  But even with this happiness and optimism, I still have pangs of feeling about people talking about getting pregnant instantly.  Also about clients who obviously don't deserve to be parents, but continue to add to their family.  I'm pretty sure this will never go away.  It feels like something that's changed in me.  I'm more bitter about this stuff and still feel jealous.  And the ignorant comments still piss me off and make me sad at the same time.
I feel so sad and emotional for all of you that I'm still following, who haven't made it out yet (and I know technically that I still haven't - but my optimism makes it feel that way).  I know that sadness and I think it's so unfair anyone has to feel it.  I'm hoping and routing for all of you everyday.
Fuck you infertility!

Quick update

I've been away for a week on vacation and then on a physiotherapy course.  So I haven't kept up with my commenting.  I've been reading but I apologize for being a bad commenter.
I'm continuing to feel good with little to report.  Our next Dr. appointment isn't until February 10th, so the only updates I have for now are symptoms and shopping!  I plan to start my shopping plan next weekend just because I can!  I know it's still early to shop but I figure I've waited 4 years for this so I'm moving forward.
I found myself looking at double strollers every time I saw one this past week.  It's hard to say whether I should get a tandem one or a double-wide.  They both seem to have advantages/disadvantages.  I've been offered a single stroller from a friend that I think I'll take as well.  It could come in handy when grandparents just want to take one baby/child along with them.
Otherwise, I'm enjoying reading other people making purchasing decisions.  What a great network we have here!

Things

Like I said earlier, our nuchal test came back quite good. He asked if we wanted to do CVS and we told him we decided against it. Otherwise, I met with an internist who specializes in pregnant women and she gave me a medication I can try for my migraines. I've always had migraines, I just always used to be able to drug up. Now they aren't leaving. She said that I likely won't need the meds much b/c my hormones have just peaked and things will get better now. I have to say, I've had a pretty easy 1st trimester.
It just seems so so strange to have positive things happening. You get so used to negative news and moods that it is hard to fully except the good stuff. I'm definitely getting there though.
Cutest thing, my mom has been collecting baby items for the past 4 years. She never told me b/c of all of our trouble. Yesterday she showed me her spare room with it all laid out and it was crazy. Im not sure I'll have to buy a single item!
My poor coworker had to deliver her stillborn babies today. What a terrible thing to go through. I'm thoughtful of how hard it could be for her to be around me in the near future.