Still waiting

But I have a headache today, following 5 days of cramps so CD1 has got to be close. If I ever get pregnant, I can't imagine what I'd do with so much time for thoughts beside TTC.

The waiting game

I've had cramps for 3 days so I'm expecting CD1. But I definately had an anovulatory cycle this month so I don't know what to expect. The clinic told me to start taking estrace on Sunday, which I did. I've been worried this cycle will just go on and on since it's quite common not to bleed after an anovulatory cycle. So all I can do is hope that my period arrives, like it feels like it is going to. Cramps and sore boobs is always a good sign for me (or always a BAD sign unless I'm waiting for an IVF cycle).
On another note, GO CANADA GO!

F'd up cycle

So I'm on CD21 and I haven't ovulated yet. So I can't take my estrace. What bothers me is, what if this is am anovulatory cycle? I've never had one, in 3 years of cycle monitoring. Does that mean I shouldn't do IVF next cycle? It would definately mean I won't have taken estrace, so shouldn't I wait until a cycle when I have?
I really feel the fertility gods are f'ing with me. Just trying to keep me negative and stressed.

WTF?

I woke up this morning with cramping and spotting. It is CD 12. Everything I read says mid-cycle spotting can be normal but this hasn't happened in more that 3 years of charting. My temps have been erratic, but that does happen sone months pre-ovulation. It was a rather heavy spotting day, with cramps and back aches and now a headache. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was about to get my period. But that can't happen on CD12 right?
I just hope, whatever this strange day is all about, it doesn't screw up my IVF cycle. I'm supposed to start estrace in 5 days.

Oh no..

We've just been invited to a family "thing" that has the potential to be quite awful. A cousin and his wife are home for a few weeks from Hong Kong. They had their first baby last summer. His brother and his wife have a 2 year old, concieved shortly after we started trying.
In short, I feel uncomfortable with this part of the family b/c I am significantly older than my cousins. Their mother has, several times, said "i want to see you hold the baby, so we see how you look with one". I know that going to this dinner is going to be a night full of people making comments to me about having a baby. I don't share my infertility issues with anyone in that room, so I just have to smile and take it.
I'm in a good place right now. Excited and hopeful. But the second I got this e-vite my stomach sunk. Problem is, LAST year when they were home and she was pregnant, I faked a migraine and cancelled. I can't believe I'm here a year later. Not sure what to do...

Appointment

I am feeling positive and excited. The doc answered all of my questions with patience and I felt I got the answers I needed.
Basically, we're trying again with the same protocol. The last cycle worked well to get my egg production but the quality wasn't great. She said she would have expected more blastocysts by day 5 since I started with 9 eggs. I'm going to start taking a dietary supplement that is currently being researched to improve egg quality. It is the most expensive supplement i've ever taken, but hopefully worth it. The problem with the supplement is it may not help until I've been taking it for 5 months. I figure I'll start taking it now in case it can help, and if this cycle fails it will definately be in my system for the next cycle.
We talked about "when to stop". She seemed pretty genuine in saying that she is still hopeful this can work. If the sane thing happens in the next cycle, she may not be as positive but for now, thinks it's reasonable to continue with IVF.
So I start estrace in mid-February and should be starting my next IVF cycle by the end of February.
We both feel good about this cycle. I'm going to take baby aspirin too, because I gigue it can't hurt.
Oh and she said we'll do a day 3 transfer of 3 or 4 embryos (unless I get a surprising amount of embryos). She figures there is no point in going to day 5 with so few embryos and 2 unsuccessful cycles.
So 3 weeks to lose another 3-4lbs. I'm done with the caffeine again(not like ice been drinking much) and increasing my veggies/fruit and protein intake.
I think this one is it!

Once again

Not pregnant.
It's hard to imagine myself pregnant now.
My IVF follow up appointment is in 2 days though, so I'm excited about that. It will be nice to have a plan for the next try.