Happier

I've recovered to some extent. I'm back to being hopeful that this month will magically be THE month. Then the back up plan is another IVF cycle in a couple of months. Seriously, the third time HAS to work right?
Christmas was nice, with no inappropriate baby comments. It has been helpful that no one has announced any pregnancies lately.
We're going to Florida in a couple of weeks for a little vacation/change. Nice to have something to look forward to.
So I'm only secretly going to feel sorry for my self now. On to happier times and thoughts!

Not much to say

So it's been over a week since my second IVF negative. Like always, I generally feel better. I'm still easily brought to tears, even when it has nothing to do with babies. I am planning to skip some family gatherings this Christmas and lay low. Otherwise, I guess we just try it again. I'm trying to avoid thinking of long term plans, and how much money we're pissing away. I'm not ready to think about adopting, or giving up.
So my follow up appointment isn't until February 3rd. And I assume try #3 will be in March. Or maybe we'll try something else this time. Whatever.

Moving on...again

Thanks for the comments guys. Unfortunately, it really was a negative. So now I will probably avoid a lot of Christmas events just so I don't have to hear baby comments and baby announcements. I wonder if I never get pregnant, will I shut myself out completely someday? I had a new client last week, who is 70 years old. When telling me her physical history she said "I had endometriosis and never carried a baby to term. Isn't that sad? I think it's very sad."
What I thought was SO sad is that at 70 years old, that is still so part of her life that she tells her new physiotherapist that within 10 minutes.
I don't want that to be me.

Negative

I took at test this morning, 9dp5dt. Negative.
Blood test is Monday. I'm so sick of these blood tests when I already know it's negative. It's like a kick in the face.
So my second failed IVF, 33 failed cycles in total. I am depressed, as expected.
I guess we just try again? Is this my life now?

I think it's over

Yesterday was 6dp5dt and my cramps got worse. Today my migraine has returned, like clockwork. I managed to stay positive until about dinner tonight when the cramps got worse and I started spotting. Really? This isn't going to work either? Merry fucking Christmas.

Spa

So I'm off to a spa/shopping trip with my closest friend. I'll be gone for 4 days. I planned this to help keep me busy during the 2WW which is really only a 1WW now. Day 5 transfers make the time go a lot quicker.
Nothing made it to freeze. But that's b/c the best ones are already implanting right?
I've got a good feeling about the come-from-behind embryo that turned into a blastocyst right while we were there.

2 "almost" blasts!

So we waited until day 5 and we transferred a blastocyst and a late stage morula! With all my ovary problems I can't have asked for more really. We have another slow one they'll try to freeze but probably won't make it.
Exciting news anyway!
Now for the 2WW.