Neat story

Someone I used to work with, had long standing TTC issues.  When I met her a few years ago she told me that they couldn't have children and they had decided that they liked their life and were moving on.  They had tried for 8 years, with several years in fertility interventions.  When she was 39, she got pregnant.  It was a shock and surprise and they had a healthy baby boy. The four of us are getting together for dinner in a couple of weeks and I may need to cancel if it falls on an IVF day.  So, I just told her about a week ago (via email) that I was in the infertility boat.   She emailed me saying that if I wanted to talk, she was always available.  Then just last night emailed me to tell me that she is pregnant again.  She also said, that she hoped we'd find their story encouraging but they'd totally understand if we didn't want to go to dinner right now b/c it's hard being around pregnant people.  I love having someone in my life that actually GETS IT.  Even my husband doesn't seem to understand why I'm depressed when people announce their pregnancies, or when people ask me if i have any children.  I should have been talking to this friend a long time ago.

Nothing to report

I have nothing really to say. I'm on cycle day 10, waiting for the next cycle to start IVF. I have 4 more pounds to lose, so that I'm back to my June weight before I just kind of stopped caring. I'm not seeing a lot of new positives out in TTC world so that always sucks.

The Visit

The ultrasound for antral follicle count showed 6 follicles on each side, but a 1.3 cm one on the right (again).  Why do I always have a cyst on this ovary?  Last time it was closer to 2.0 cm but it would have been drained on retrieval day, so this is another one.  Everytime I have had a u/s, I have a cyst on the right.  I'm aware of the pain every few cycles on my right.  One time I passed out when I "burst".  The thing is, my blood work is consistently off as well.  Last IVF cycle the Dr. told me at some point that the cyst probably had nothing to do with my low ovarian reserve issue, but today she had written orders not to proceed with IVF if I had any follicles bigger than 1.0 cm.  I am totally OK with this because I had a mid-November cycle in my mind anyway.  I'm only concerned that the cyst will still exist NEXT month and I'll be told to wait again.  I asked what they do if the cyst is there and have been told "lets just wait and see if it IS there".  Maybe they only care b/c it is only 3 weeks since my last IVF?  Maybe in another month this little cyst with my odd blood work doesn't matter?  I really hate that I have so many questions that can never be answered.  We do meet with the Dr. on November 4th though, so I guess answers are coming.

So no IVF until mid-November.

The real positive of today was that I had 12 antral follicles! It's not a huge number but it's significantly better than 8.  It puts me in the 48% success from IVF group instead of 41%.  So that's promising.  And we have this new protocol to look forward to too.  I asked the nurse about this protocol but they just don't seem to be able to give me the detailed information I want.  Again, the Dr. appointment November 4th will help with these questions.

So, I have a month and then it all begins again.  Excited!

Wow, this one took me by surprise!

Yesterday was CD1, about 5 days early for me.  If it has to be negative, it might as well come early right?  So I called the clinic and got my call back pretty quickly.  I am to go in on Monday for BW and u/s and apparently start my next IVF cycle.  I don't get why I couldn't get this information before now.  Apparently I will NOT be on the bcp again this month but instead the protocol combines the high dose of puregon with menopur.  I have to look this stuff up still, having just got home from a weekend "trip".  On the phone, I asked why my cycle is starting so quickly now when I was first told I had to wait at least 2 months.  I mean, it's been 3 weeks since my negative blood test!  Don't get me wrong, I am happy to start this up right away but is it the right decision?  I don't want us to be wasting our money.  I am concerned that b/c I cried to the nurses about not wanting the next IVF cycle to be delayed b/c of the clinic's Christmas holidays, my cycle is being pushed up.  The nurse informed me, with some attitude, that the Dr. wouldn't tell me to start early if it was going to waste our money.
So, bw and u/s tomorrow.  I guess the cycle won't start if those are out of wack, which I wouldn't be that surprised with since it's only been 3 weeks.  If anyone is reading this blog that has started a second IVF cycle so quickly, please let me know what you know/think.  Otherwise, I guess I'll ask it another way tomorrow: "Why, when most people wait 2 cycles,  will I benefit from starting only 1 cycle later?"  If they can answer this question then I'll feel better.
It's pretty exciting though, that we could be starting IVF again tomorrow. Especially when I haven't been expecting it yet.

Mainly just complaining

So our friends were here for a couple of days. They are great friends and we like to visit with them. I have told only a very select few about TTC and our issues, so to be fair, they have no idea. BUT, I still want to complain. She likes to talk about all the things she is learning as a mom and explains them like they are "pointers" for my future. I know this is just her personality, but it is really annoying when you're sensitive.
And the big kicker, she asked me to take her to the drugstore last night. On the way there she tells me that she needs a pregnancy test because she'd like to drink but thinks she might be pregnant. Apparently they decided 3 weeks ago that they would like to try for #2. I'm listening to her thinking "am I seriously going to have to watch her test positive and act happy". It's one thing to do it when you find out a few months in, it's a completely other thing to actually wait for results with her. But, I was happy to be living in a small town because no drugstores were open (Thanksgiving). Now she can go find out at home and I'll deal with it in a couple of months when she announces.
I can't believe we're still here trying while they have gotten pregnant, had their baby, watched him grow for 1.5 years and are now likely pregnant with their second. I'm so jealous, and so sad.

On another note, I have clarified with our clinic that we are to go in on my next day 3 and start the new protocol. I don't know what this protocol is yet but will analyze that on day 3. I do actually hope it involves the bcp, even though I may have a low ovarian reserve, because I didn't take the bcp the first time. I want to go with a closer to normal protocol and see how my ovaries respond.

Hockey

A non-TTC fact about me; I absolutely LOVE hockey. This game puts me through every emotion. It's fast, tough, athletic and skilled. Go Oilers!

Happy Thanksgiving Canadians!

We are having friends over this weekend, along with their 1.5 year old son. Great friends and a great kid. They got pregnant in their second month of trying. We had started trying about 2 months before them (although I've never told them that). Like with almost all of our friends, I find myself "worrying" everytime I am about to see them, that they'll announce their NEXT pregnancy and I'll struggle to look happy.
I know it's coming, just hopefully not this weekend.

Crazy thinking

I think I'm ovulating sometime today/tonight. I know that there is really no chance we can get pregnant the easy way. We have had perfectly timed cycles for 2.5 years. But, I'm crazy because I'm always hopeful. Maybe IVF changed something?

Nothing to say

I'm away at a course and enjoying thinking about something else other than TTC.  Not that I have totally stopped thinking about it.  I'm still checking my CM and staring longingly at the pregnant women at the course.

Just thinking...

I'm feeling good and looking forward to our next IVF try.
But I'm finding my self more emotional reading other's blogs these days.  People with negatives, people realizing that can't continue on with TTC for financial reasons or more personal reasons.  I am sad for them, and I worry that this may happen to me (us) someday.  My husband assures me that we can keep trying.  But there is always an end.  And if we don't want to end up childless, then don't we have to think about adoption and the money THAT will cost at some point?  It is really the "A word" for me right now, but when do I need to think about that? 2 more IVF cycles?  I guess I'll know when the time comes?