Little update

The request for my medical information was faxed today. We filled out an application for a consult with a strictly private clinic. Now we wait for an appointment.
I feel odd about doing this. I feel like this desperate woman, not wanting to accept reality. But I guess I an that woman. And so I want someone to tell me there is still hope. The funny thing is, my clinic would probably tell me to go ahead with another IVF but I just can't get an appointment for 2 more months. So, I move to another clinic for a consult. And then we'll see what happens next.

Sad

This is the longest that I have generally felt depressed. Usually after a couple of days I can start looking forward and that will slowly perk me up. I just can't seem to do that this time. I'm crying so easily and so often, and that's really not like that. I've had episodes of crying myself to sleep.
How do I move forward right now?
My clinic is partially covered by our universal health care. They have generally been great but the "follow up" appointment nearly 3 months later has always been an issue for me. After IVF 1 and 2 I convinced myself it was an ok wait b/c I couldn't start the next IVF until after a couple of months anyway.
BUT, this time I'm not sure we'll be doing another IVF. I really need feedback about how crazy different this stimulation went, how many eggs then embryos we got, how good at least 3 of them were on day 3, but yet the sane result. Is it just a percentages game and we should just try AGAIN? Or is it getting obvious that my eggs can't make babies? Those are pretty big and different questions that can change my entire life plans. And it's so long, too long, to wait until mid-June.
So with that, should I be going to a fully private clinic for s consult? Should I get another opinion, if only to get a timely opinion? What's stopping me is that I like my clinic now and the process of getting our chart in daunting. But that could be the depression talking.
I don't know what to do to get out of this saddness.

Fail

I haven't updated because there is nothing good to say.
Negative yesterday and today (day 12 and 13).  Tomorrow is the hated blood test.  And I won't be planning on picking up the phone from the clinic.  I have a migraine and I'm totally depressed.  I know that I always think this month will work, but I REALLY thought this time it would work.
I think I'm fooling myself if I keep thinking this can happen.

Obsessed

I had a busy week but yet almost every second of the day that I wasn't busy, I can't help but think about my symptoms.  I'm very hopeful but very worried.  A third failed IVF is such a huge deal.  Especially with how well I responded this time, but in the end having poor egg quality.  Can any of my eggs actually make a baby?
I had sharp pains on 4dp3dt.  They only lasted about 30 seconds but happened about 4 times during the morning.  Then most nights I've felt generally crampy, AF crampy.  Now today I'm worried that I'm at the beginning stages of a headache.  My boobs are sore, but they always are with progesterone.  So basically, my symptoms are non-descript, as usual at this stage of the cycle.  Today is 7dp3dt and I'm going to test early on 9dp3dt.  I definitely can't wait for the beta.