Infertility

I'm not sure what I want to say.
But tomorrow everything changes.

Tomorrow is what we've been waiting for, for at least the last 4 and a half years, if not for most of our lives. It seems unreal today. Even though I've felt the babies kicking and rolling for months. My belly has gotten bigger and bigger. The pains in my groin, my back, my hands. It just seems unreal that this turns into babies.

All the ups and downs, the hope and the depression. I really did feel it would never happen. Several times. I started to imagine my life without this dream. And all I could see was endless sadness.

My husband and I grew closer, I believe. But what would have happened if we were never successful?

Infertility is unique. No one can really understand it, unless faced with it. No one can see it. There are worse things in this world. But often it doesn't feel that way.

I still feel twinges of jealousy when people announce their easy road to pregnancy. I still feel anger at people asking me private questions about our family. I feel sadness for people that I know who are still "stuck". I believe this will never go away.

Some people think my husband and I don't seem excited enough. We are. It's just unreal. And after everything, I think these babies need to be in our arms before we can really release.

I've visualized and imagined this life change for so long now but I can't really imagine it, can I?

Tomorrow, everything changes.