The Terrible Thoughts

Tonight my mom told me that my sister was going to "try to get pregnant".  My sister is 2 years older than me, so I knew she would soon.
I just hate my thoughts as I drove home.  I'm so jealous of everyone who gets pregnant now.  I stopped going to baby showers at least a year ago b/c it makes me sad and jealous and I don't like being that person.  But, I really don't want my sister to get pregnant before me.  I can't imagine how jealous I'd be, and angry for my own fertility problems.
My self talk is that "no one should have to go through infertility".   No one should have to experience the highs and lows of living month to month.  So I do hope it's fast and easy for her.
I just hope IVF will get me there too.  So I'm only happy for us both and not jealous.