I can't do it

I have had cramping for a few days now.  The cramping felt "different" to me, more sharp and not constant.  But tonight it definitely feels like AF cramping.  And I have had a couple of headaches, like I always do.  The thing is, I could test tomorrow really.  But I feel happy today.  I've had 2 good days back at work and I'm happy and I "could" be pregnant.  But when I test, it will be all over.  And the depression will come back.  And I'll have to work through 3 painful days of work.  I want to live in denial for just a little longer.  So, I'm not going to test.  My blood test is on Monday, 14dp3dt.  I think I'll wait and test myself on Saturday, 12dp3dt.  Then I can sink into whatever depression my psyche needs.