Today I ordered my medications for IVF #5. I am not talking about it with anyone but my husband. I know at least my receptionist must know, as I've scheduled all my mornings off again starting 2.5 weeks from now. And I know the girls at work will see that I'm not there every morning for 3 weeks. They will know, and yet I don't want to tell them. I think I feel embarrassed. Isn't that odd?
I am sad.
I feel like something is missing in my life.
I feel stuck.
I feel like I'm "on the outside".
I feel longing.
I feel stress and anxiety.
Those feelings all make sense to me. But now I have this new feeling of embarrassment that I'm doing it AGAIN. I can't explain it and I hate that it's just another uncomfortable feeling I get to have, but there it is.
Done, and Yet, Not Done
6 years ago
OMG, I so get this. We are aiming for an FET this month, which may or may not happen. If it does, it will be #5 (and I'm not even counting canceled or mock cycles here). And I really, really understand what you mean. When I first started blogging, I thought to myself - wow, those ladies that are on cycle #xxxx, what the h*ll? And now, wow. Here we are.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog and glad I did. Wishing you all the best. Here's to not having to do a #6!