Negative post...
I work at a small clinic. There are 6 of us. 2 are pregnant. I was told about the first pregnancy just after my failed IVF#3. I was told about the second pregnancy during IVF#4. Each one hit me, but I am friends with these girls and do feel happy for them. Their growing bellies do send me some "pangs" of sadness for me, but I ask them questions and purposely try to show interest still. People just do NOT understand infertility and the depression it causes. My co-workers know about my infertility and my failed IVFs. But these girls seem very unaware that comments they make can hurt. And that I don't want to hear endless chatter about pregnancy when I'm already having a bad day. But I suck it up, because it's an amazing time for them. I wait until I get home and then talk it out with my husband, to try to stay sane. Last weekend, with my thoughts shifting toward the possibility of adoption, I felt renewed hope. I self-talked that all our clients knew about both pregnancies now and therefore the conversations, at least with the clients, would return to normal. I can move forward. I had 2 pretty good days at work this week, feeling positive and renewed.
And then pregnant co-worker number 2 found out she is having twins. Wow. I thought client conversations were pregnancy focused with her being pregnant! The conversation about twins was overwhelming and painful. Just yesterday I was told/asked "you better be careful or you might get pregnant!", "are you going to announce a pregnancy now too?" and "how fun is that to be surrounded in all this baby talk?" all in one day. Wow. And the twin mom herself saying "I wish I could drink wine", "it's so stressful, it's just something everyday", "where will I put 2 high-chairs?".
Sometimes I wonder how I manage to keep this all secret from the clients. I really want to snap somedays. I want to yell "fuck you all. I'm infertile and depressed about it and you are all insensitive fuckers!". But I don't. I suck it up. And I wait for CD1 to start IVF #5. And I try to think positively about moving toward adoption. And I want to cry, all the time.
Done, and Yet, Not Done
6 years ago
Oh God, this sounds so so hard. I don't think I would be able to handle it with as much grace as you do - I suspect I'd have to take some of these folks aside and individually tell them it was too painful for me. Of course this is painful - it's amazing to me how clueless people are to not be able to know this. Hang in there. Hopefully getting the adoption process started will help. But I wish these folks could show a little sensitivity!!
ReplyDeleteMo
I'm amazed by how strong you are. The fact that you are able to walk into work every day and hold it together (at least while you're there, if nothing else) is far, far more than I would be able to do. I've only ever had to deal with one co-worker being pregnant. She was a friend of mine, and she was sensitive enough to pull me aside and tell me they were trying so that I wouldn't be surprised when it happened, but still it hurt like hell to see her big pregnant belly every day and hear all our other co-workers talking with her about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope that somehow, some way, the days in the office get better. And that your co-workers shut the hell up.
First, thanks for wishing me luck with #5. I wish the same for you! Seriously, 5 times deserves a take home baby!
ReplyDeleteSecond, um, I don't know how you keep your sanity when surrounded by baby talk. Can you drink at work? (just kidding). I haven't had pg co-workers in a while, but there is a conference room directly across from my office that is used by our home health nurses for breast pump consults. A squealing newborn is my cue to go for a walk.
I know it's expecting a lot, but I hope your co-workers get a clue.
Ouch. I've been surrounded at work too and it's a special kind of hell. I hate having to hear/participate in those conversations and find that happy face when all I want to do is cry. I'm sorry it's so hard.
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